WHY AM I NOT RICH?

Marc Jacobs teams up with Wrangler.

Meanwhile Lee doesn't return my phonecalls. Maybe they heard about how I always actively chose Levi's as a kid and don't want to welcome a johnny-come-lately. They don't respond to unsolicited samples sent from my "Poopy Pants" line of bum-distressed Lee jeans. What's the problem?

(By the way these are the worst jeans! I'm talking about the ones Lee makes now. "Loose seat and thigh." How gross is that? And the look is so American Dumpy. It always amazes me babies get made in this country, when I see the guys that get on the DC metro with me. )

Jordache- bring back the old horse logo, or whatever!

Who else- freaking Bugle Boy! Attention (brass military school wake-up sounds heard) ! How about a tie-in with your namesake snack? Each pair of jeans in the "Crumb Crotch" line arrives "pre-packed" with a generous pouch of Bugles sewn in behind the fly. Put 'em on, look stuffed, then have your hands down your pants later on, sitting on the couch. Instead of having to have one hand in pants and the other in chip bag, both can be down both.