RUMSFELD

I wanna play Rummy in raquetball
I wanna slam his tummy with the hard black ball
As his sweats get scummy he don’t wash ‘em all
Gives me the slacks to sniff
Later all alone.


The NY Times story about Don’s squash dominance finally let’s us complete the scene of the tough-guy gay play his ball-shaving personality has always suggested. He does this stuff. He’s no-nonsense. Like the ceremonial, sacred homo-play that goes down in the locker room or football camp and is “ok” because its encapsulated in sports chumminess (fanny slap) or hazing (surprise pretzel stick up rectum – true football camp tale!), his act is see-through eroticism but somehow unremarkable.

For people who can’t guess I love homos, I’ll say it now. If actually adjusted, relaxed gay men ran government this would be a real Republic. I’m just saying Don’s familiar jock repression is no good, not nice; his policy plays out the personal in bloody bad ways.

WHY AM I NOT RICH?

Marc Jacobs teams up with Wrangler.

Meanwhile Lee doesn't return my phonecalls. Maybe they heard about how I always actively chose Levi's as a kid and don't want to welcome a johnny-come-lately. They don't respond to unsolicited samples sent from my "Poopy Pants" line of bum-distressed Lee jeans. What's the problem?

(By the way these are the worst jeans! I'm talking about the ones Lee makes now. "Loose seat and thigh." How gross is that? And the look is so American Dumpy. It always amazes me babies get made in this country, when I see the guys that get on the DC metro with me. )

Jordache- bring back the old horse logo, or whatever!

Who else- freaking Bugle Boy! Attention (brass military school wake-up sounds heard) ! How about a tie-in with your namesake snack? Each pair of jeans in the "Crumb Crotch" line arrives "pre-packed" with a generous pouch of Bugles sewn in behind the fly. Put 'em on, look stuffed, then have your hands down your pants later on, sitting on the couch. Instead of having to have one hand in pants and the other in chip bag, both can be down both.

MUD BABY

If Tom and Katie got paid lots of $ for very expensive looking photo shoot of dumb sad baby by famous commercial whore Annie I hope all money went to poor mud-eating people. Otherwise T K and A, and all involved, are forever locked out of heaven. I won't miss them though! (Annie will try to get in with the Angel Gabriel by offering to take his picture, not knowing that all that would show up in the darkroom would be a rectangle of white. He will tell her this, letting her down softly before deflating the delivery cloud she came in on and letting her drop, 10,000 miles down, to wake up as a mud baby that nobody photographs.)

Just kidding about the Heaven thing. I don't believe in that crap! Tom and Annie are smart and rich, will never have to pay the (fantasy) moral piper (God). Everybody gets away with what they can get away with on this Earth.